


A Review of Gender, by David Haller-Xavier, aged 15 and 3/4

by autisticdavidhaller



Series: Autistic David Haller + the fam [1]
Category: Legion (TV), X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: ADHD Peter Maximoff, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Autistic David Haller, Canon Autistic Character, Canon Jewish Character, Charles Xavier is a Good Dad, David Haller says fuck gender, F/F, M/M, Nonbinary David Haller, Nonbinary Sydney “Syd” Barrett, Pietro Maximoff Goes by Peter, Trans Peter Maximoff, Trans Pietro Maximoff, dadneto
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-22 22:14:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30045540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autisticdavidhaller/pseuds/autisticdavidhaller
Summary: In which David tries his hand at writing a scientific journal article, and Charles edits.[One of my many David-centric fics.]
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Sydney "Syd" Barrett/David Haller
Series: Autistic David Haller + the fam [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2211672
Comments: 9
Kudos: 18





	1. Abstract and Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> I’m really on a roll with this David stuff lmao. Anyway, autistic folks can have a rough time with gender and as your local autistic Legion fan, it’s my job to project these rough times onto David. Obviously.  
> As always, his characterisation is accessible even if you haven’t seen the show or read his comics. All you really need to know is that Charles is his dad and he’s autistic.

** A Review of Gender, by David Haller-Xavier, aged 15 and 3/4 **

**  
Abstract **

This paper reviews collected experiences regarding gender identity and the potentially mediating effect of comorbid mutations, psychopathology, biological, and neurodevelopmental implications. While to date there is strong bias towards a gender binary, it is imperative that future research explores gender in order to understand what the fuck is going on.

~~ David, I love you, and this is a really good abstract! But no scientific journal is going to publish a paper where you ask what the fuck is up with gender. ~~

** Keywords **

Gender - Non-binary - Etiology 

** Introduction **

According to Google (2021), gender identity is “an individual’s personal sense of having a particular gender”.  ~~ I think you should cite the dictionary Google takes its definitions from, darling.  ~~ This makes sense to those individuals who understand what it means to have a gender, but I don’t understand that, which is why I’m writing a paper about it. Going by Google again, gender itself is “either of the two sexes (male and female), especially when considered with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones. The term is also used more broadly to denote a range of identities that do not correspond to established ideas of male and female.” So if someone has the sense of having a gender, it means they have those social and cultural differences and can slot themselves in somewhere along the binary.

The problems happen when one can’t sense any of these particular differences, or in fact senses so many they don’t understand why they are relevant. Moreover, there’s obviously going to be someone out there who doesn’t relate to any at all. Therefore, the point of this paper is to understand what the hell these social and cultural differences even are and where the author fits in.

For this research, five subjects agreed to be interviewed and have those interviews recorded and transcribed for analysis. They are my dad, my dad’s boyfriend, my dad’s boyfriend’s son, my dad’s boyfriend’s daughter, and my nearly-girlfriend. 

~~ Deeeeefinitely not needed, darling boy, but who’s your nearly-girlfriend? ~~


	2. Transcript #001 - Participant ‘C’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Transcript #001 - Participant ‘C’ answers questions on gender and what his own identity means to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back with the first of our studies :) thank you for the kudos and comments already! I know David being involved in Cherik’s lives (and indeed central to their lives!) is a bit of a niche which not many people in the XMCU fandom like to read, so I am very appreciative :)  
> As I will probably mention every chapter, I’m not a scientist! However, I have studied linguistics which loosely lets me perform scientific research. Hence this transcript is laid out as I would lay them out when I first started recording and analysing my own data (at 16, so David’s not far off). It’s not perfect science, and all the grammar is left out, but that’s the point.
> 
> Enjoy! I promise Cherik will feature more soon, I just need to get through all these interviews before we get to (gasp) actual prose :)
> 
> ALSO- please feel free to come and yell with me about David and Cherik!! i’m @winterlangs on twitter :)

**Context**

Participant ‘C’ doesn’t want his age recorded but he is an adult male who uses he/him pronouns. The author is represented as ‘D’ within the transcript. (.) indicates a brief pause, while (X) indicates a longer pause, with the number replacing X indicating how many seconds the pause was. ~~Good key!~~

* * *

**Transcript**

D: Dad (.) I’m doing some research (.) can I ask you some questions  ~~ I’m pretty sure you’re meant to remove any identifying info in a real journal but that doesn’t matter here  ~~

C: Of course (.) darling boy (1) what’s your research about

D: No (.) stop that (1) I have a participant brief I need to read out to you okay

C: Okay Davey go ahead

D: Okay (.) so (.) today I am conducting a study about people’s understandings of gender okay (.) so what I will do if you agree to participate is I will just ask you some questions about your gender and stuff to do with it (.) and I’ll record it so I can put it in my paper later and analyse it (.) is that okay

C: Yes of course 

D: And also if you agree then it’ll be used anonymously probably and you can withdraw consent et cetera but please don’t because gender is really annoying me lately 

C: That’s fine darling you have my consent

D: Okay good (1) let’s do questions so (.) first question is what gender do you identify as

C: That would be male

D: Okay cool and do you know what it means if you’re cisgender or transgender

C: Yes

D: So which one are you

C: Cisgender

D: And do you know what it means if you’re nonbinary

C: I do

D: Wait (.) how do you know that

C: I did a lot of research before opening the school up more in case we had any students with different identities

D: Oh (1) that’s very nice of you

C: Thank you darling (.) I thought it was rather important (.) especially when some people’s mutations involve being able to change their appearance and so forth (1) do you want to keep asking your questions now

D: Oh right (.) okay so what do you think makes you male in terms of social and cultural differences

C: That’s rather tricky I suppose I just sort of know I’m male because I know I’m not female

D: So (2) being a boy just means you’re not a girl

C: Not entirely what I meant Davey (.) this is just (.) a bit of a difficult question (3) I suppose how I have been raised marks me as male in terms of social differences (.) but I wouldn’t say that is what makes me male today

D: Can you give like examples or anything because I still don’t get it

C: Hm (.) well (.) I wasn’t supposed to cry when I was growing up since my stepfather thought it was unmanly and that showing emotions was a female trait

D: Oh but that’s not good to hold feelings in ~~I have taught you well :)~~

C: No it’s not but it was a different time darling (.) things are a bit less stereotypical now

D: Right (2) so would you say that a lot of the differences actually rely on stereotypes then Dad 

C: You know I might actually (.) that could be a more helpful way to look at it

D: Okay so last question is how long have you known you’re a man

C: All my life

D: Oh (2) okay thank you dad we’re finished now (.) I have to go and ask Erik now (.) you are loved 

C: Thank you Davey (.) let me know if you need help editing

* * *

** Analysis of Transcript #001 **

This interview wasn’t hugely helpful in terms of aiding the author in understanding their own gender ~~sorry my love!~~ , but it did help to untangle what on earth social and cultural differences are. So, for example, in the US (which is where the author lives right now), a lot of stereotypes around masculinity include being strong and being manly, so not showing emotions like was mentioned and having short hair and wearing clothes that are made for boys. However, there are other differences: the author is Jewish and lived in Israel before his mother died and in Judaism, the men’s daily blessing includes thanking G-d for not making them a woman (1). So that is a big difference which also depends on how you interpret that specific line. Gender is still weird as hell though.

* * *

**Footnotes**

(1) - the author wants to make it specific that this is not because Jews, as a monolith, are misogynistic arseholes. It’s more like men and women are both very important but they have different duties and men probably suck at the women’s one which is why we thank the big guy for not making us do them. But there probably should be a prayer for other genders, and one for women saying thanks they’re not men. However, the author is unfortunately not in charge of an entire ethnoreligion, and this is likely a good thing as he is only 15 years old.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading! Seeing the kudos and comments is super encouraging considering this is pretty niche! Have a great day and hope you come back soon to read more about my silly autistic mutant fucking about with gender :)


	3. Transcript #002 - Participant ’E’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which David interviews Erik and there is some surface-level discussion of gender stereotypes, trauma, and a tad of my mutant-worldbuilding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has come through me procrastinating in some study time and wanting to explore the characters a little bit. Hopefully it’s still consistent to source material while letting me add my little touch to the boys :)
> 
> Come yell at me about David and the fam! @winterlangs on Twitter :)

**Context**  
Participant ‘E’ doesn’t want his age recorded either but he is an adult male who also uses he/him pronouns (1). The author is represented as ‘D’ within the transcript. (.) indicates a brief pause, while (X) indicates a longer pause, with the number replacing X indicating how many seconds the pause was.

* * *

** Transcript #002 **

D: Erik I really badly need to interview you please it’s about gender and it’s for science

E: your dad already warned me anzahl (footnote 2) (.) what do you need to ask me  ~~ you asked him to call you anzahl? no he called me it himself it’s good  ~~

D: first I have to make sure you consent okay so basically I’m going to ask you questions and when I do the science part it’ll all be anonymous (.) and you can withdraw consent but please don’t and I guess that’s it

E: mm okay you have my consent 

D: perfect (.) the first question for everyone is what gender do you identify as

E: as male I suppose

D: you sound really suspicious I promise I’m not doing anything weird (.) next up do you know what it is if you’re cisgender or transgender

E: I was aware of what it is to be trans before this but not cis

D: that’s fine (.) basically cis is just the opposite of trans so which one are you

E: cis then

D: next (.) do you know what it means if you’re nonbinary (.) and it’s okay if you don’t

E: I could guess chamud (footnote 3) (.) but I am sure you’re going to tell me anyway

D: so basically the gender binary is like a straight-ish line of male and female so if you’re nonbinary then you’re not one of those two (.) you can be in-between or not at all (1) is that okay

E: yes that’s fine kid (.) that was a good explanation you know

D: good thank you (.) let’s move on to the different questions (.) and you can tell me to stop if you don’t like them okay

E: I understand

D: do you think being a mutant has anything to do with your gender

E: hm (3) straight in with the tough questions huh schatz  ~~ Since when have you stolen his nickname for me? Dad that isn’t a relevant edit ~~

D: is that a no then

E: just thinking kid (.) I suppose it doesn’t have anything to do with my gender specifically for me but to other people it might (1) like how you talk about autism and how boys are identified easier because all the research is backwards

D: so even though all the girls are there (.) people aren’t recognising them

E: exactly so right now the big stereotype is that mutations (.) such as your telekinesis Peter’s speed and so on (.) are most common in boys even though we know this isn’t the case (1) but since intangible mutations are only recently gaining attention (.) it’s possible we’re looking at a 50-50 split in mutants and genders right

D: right but you have to include wiggle room for if they’re not boys or girls

E: of course (.) but your gender can of course affect your life as a mutant even though it shouldn’t

D: but we’re unsure if mutations affect gender

E: I suppose so (.) for now (1) perhaps for those who have the ability to change appearance it’s easier to comprehend gender (.) as they can see how they prefer to be perceived

D: that makes sense (3) okay next question is one you might not want to answer but it’s okay because you don’t have to (.) so my dad said growing up his stepdad kind of made him act like stereotypes of a boy because he wasn’t very nice (.) do you think it was the same for you growing up  ~~ David, you didn’t tell me you were asking this... ~~

E: hm (4)

D: you don’t have to say if you don’t want (.) I’m not in your head now

E: no it’s okay kid (1) come sit with me anzahl (.) stop me feeling like I’m in a psychiatrist’s office yeah

D: okay

E: your dad and I both didn’t have the best time growing up you know (.) and I would say yes (.) growing up how I did probably affects how I see myself in more ways than just one (2) for example my anger was the only way of using my power at first (.) and I would be so afraid of (.) of showing any other emotion in case (1) in case he thought it was too weak (.) too girly you know

D: yeah (3) but you know it’s okay now cause we’re better

E: I know kid (.) trust me

D: and my powers only used to be if I was angry but it isn’t good to be angry all the time (.) and me and my dad love you a lot okay

E: oh I definitely know that bit  ~~You don’t think this is a bit too PG-13 to go in a scientific paper?~~

D: good (.) okay we’re done now (.) we can make rugelach if you want

* * *

** Analysis of Transcript #002 **

This interview was actually pretty helpful, even if the topic shifted to mutant recognition as is usual for conversations with Participant ‘E’.  ~~Davey, you definitely can’t go making digs at Erik in the middle of a paper.~~ While the author still has no idea what the fuck is up with gender, the idea that mutations can affect how you perceive yourself is interesting, particularly as tangible mutations such as telekinesis and speed tend to be rooted in ideals of masculinity, whereas intangible ones such as telepathy and energy manipulation are stereotyped as feminine. This definitely seems to be something worth researching more, as the author has both tangible and intangible mutations. However, it is still difficult for the author (though not negatively) to perceive gender in terms of how he was raised as the main focus in his upbringing was making him feel safe. This is probably a result of traumatic stuff and the author’s neurology, as well as four super good parents who don’t care about gender presentation.

* * *

** Footnotes **

(1) - In hindsight, it would have been more representative to not have two participants who identify exactly the same, but I couldn’t just include one of my dads and not the other.  ~~Which is very sweet of you, my love.~~

(2) - Anzahl is a German word used for the author as a nickname, meaning legion or multitude, chosen as the English word ‘legion’ was used once as a nickname for him and he didn’t like it, but the participant is German-ish and it doesn’t sound as bad in German.

(3) - Chamud is a Hebrew nickname for the author, meaning sweetheart or sweetie, chosen as both the author and participant are Jewish. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, as usual, for reading!! I really appreciate all the kudos and comments - as you can tell it’s obviously encouraged me to update three times in less than 24 hours lmao


	4. Transcript #003 - Participant ‘P’

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Transcript #003 - Participant ‘P’ talks about his experiences with neurodiversity and gender.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for 50 reads, it means a lot!! Hope you enjoy this one - I kept it out of the tags but trans Peter is very personal to me and I adore it as much as I adore David and Peter being good brothers so <3 
> 
> please let me know what you think! comments and kudos mean a lot :)

** Context **

Participant ‘P’ is a 17 year old male who uses he/him pronouns. The author is represented as ‘D’ within the transcript. (.) indicates a brief pause, while (X) indicates a longer pause, with the number replacing X indicating how many seconds the pause was. Here, words or syllables between forward slashes /like this/ also indicate phonological stress.

* * *

** Transcript #003 **

D: Peter 

P: what

D: Peter 

P: what

D: Peter 

P: what

D: mine’s the power of stopping you running round like a putz [1] (1) ha (.) Peter  ~~ Maybe add some context that you stopped him running round the walls, or else you’ll look like you’re laughing at calling him a putz, and that’s a weak insult, Davey. ~~

P: /what/

D: can I ask you some questions about gender please (.) it’s for me and science (.) but you can read it too after if you want

P: why do you need my help

D: because I already asked our dads and they’re both old men  ~~ Thanks? ~~

P: (3) I’m not saying anything I don’t want to

D: no obviously it’s an interview (.) just say no comment like how they do on dog cops [2]

P: you seriously just made a reference to dog cops to make me (.) whatever I /have/ to do it now (.) good negotiation little dude 

D: we’re not even two years apart in age and I’m taller than you

P: besides the point (.) okay I consent and all that (.) do I gotta sit like it’s a doctor’s 

D: well no not if you have to run to focus (.) I just can’t hear you talk when you race past me (.) it hurts my senses (1) but I can go into your brain and we can talk if you need to run 

P: mmm (2) you know your brain stuff is different to Wanda’s (.) start with the heebie jeebie stuff but if it’s weird I’m kicking you out [3]

D: deal (.) so basically I’m going to ask you some questions about gender because it’s pissing me off (.) and in fact you’re probably better at this than our dads because you’ve actually thought about it before

P: that’s true kid genius  ~~ Did you and Peter just spend half an hour insulting us? ~~

D: okay let’s start (.) and no more nicknames (.) obviously you’re a boy

P: right

D: and you probably already know this but I asked Erik and he didn’t so you know what it is if you’re cis or trans right

P: right (.) I’m trans 

D: (3) I can like abridge that from the transcript or something if you don’t want people to read it (.) like even though no one will know it’s you (.) I can do that (1) if you want  ~~ Very good of you to ask, my love.  ~~

P: it’s fine keep going

D: okay (.) so do you know what nonbinary means 

P: obviously 

D: how does your dad not even know this stuff then

P: because he’s old

D: good point (1) so I guess since you’re trans you probably will have a better answer to this (.) but how do you know that you’re a boy and not a girl

P: well I always fucking hated being a girl so there’s that 

D: well yeah but besides that

P: I guess I always felt uncomfortable growing up and having to be called by a different name and wear all these clothes (.) like it just wasn’t a good time y’know (.) it just made me feel like crap 

D: oh (.) sorry

P: no it’s fine now (1) oh and I’d always try to borrow a kippah at temple but mom never let me at first (.) and I remember one time when I’d just started with my speed I (.) ha (.) I know I just got really mad for not being allowed to wear one because I didn’t get why no one else saw me how I saw myself y’know (1) so (.) and this was really stupid (.) but I sped past and took all the shared ones and clipped them all to my hair 

D: that’s so silly 

P: it made me feel better kid

D: oh (3) so you just knew from when you were a little kid that your body didn’t fit your brain (.) I think I get that (.) like when me and Syd swap and she makes dick jokes to hide she’s uncomfortable  ~~ Please never make me read this again.  ~~

P: that’s basically it (.) yeah (.) but not everyone gets upset or really depressed over it it’s like (.) not that their current body /doesn’t/ fit but a new one might fit better (.) and then some people don’t mind their bodies that much they just want to be (1) perceived differently 

D: you should do a ted talk or something 

P: you flatter me Davey

D: you’re stealing everyone else’s names for me you can’t do that (.) next question (.) so you have ADHD

P: yeah

D: and I’m autistic so we’re basically cousins

P: David we’re brothers our dads have sex  ~~ I’d say false but I don’t think that portrays me and Erik in a good light.  ~~

D: oh (3) right yeah brothers (.) but if they /didn’t/ have sex we’d be cousins because your brain is like mine 

P: I guess

D: so do you think that your brain stuff (.) not including mutations yet (.) affects your gender 

P: I don’t think it affects it like it changes it (1) but probably it helped me realise I probably wasn’t faking y’know 

D: you just said probably twice in a row

P: let me finish (.) anyway as I was /saying/

D: sorry

P: no I was teasing (1) but you know how everyone thinks ADHD is for boys because all the research is a fuckton years old and they did it on like two little kids on a farm in Arizona or something and forgot about girls and the fact that they can behave differently

D: I mean I don’t know the farm but I get the point 

P: so (.) it’s going to sound really bad (.) but when I got told I had it I was like (.) oh cool I’m either really freaking ADHD (.) /or/ even my brain acts like a cis boy’s and that made me super happy 

D: oh (2) that’s really good for you Peter (.) and I think your brain is like mine

P: thanks 

D: do you think your mutation affects your gender as well 

P: not really (.) like I’m happy it’s pretty much the biggest stereotype for little baby mutant boys ever but it came after I already figured out something was up y’know

D: right (3) okay I think that’s the end (.) you are loved Pete

P: I know goober (.) that’s my new nickname for you if you don’t let me use everyone else’s

D: um okay

P: you know you can talk to me about this stuff if you want 

D: I just don’t really like gender it’s fine

P: you asked me about being nonbinary it’s not like you /have/ to have a gender 

D: okay you’re still loved thank you bye  ~~ Darling boy, you don’t have to be embarrassed that Peter is being kind to you. Do you want to talk about it? ~~

* * *

** Footnotes **

[1] - putz is Yiddish as far as the author remembers. 

[2] - Dog Cops is a TV show that everyone in the author’s household enjoys, it’s about dogs and cops. 

[3] - heebie jeebies is what participant ‘P’ says to refer to one of the author’s mutations, telepathy and accessing memories. 


End file.
